Duckers & Diving: Lamb in a Stew about the sound of 70

THIS week our salacious scribe gets in a stew about Birmingham’s latest entrant to the septuagenarian club.

Whisper it, but I hear that Birmingham Chamber ‘spin doctor’ John Lamb has clocked up a major milestone – his 70th birthday.

Colloquially known as Lord Lamb, the craggy but still fairly youthful-looking former journalist is somewhat sensitive about such matters.

Possibly, the wags have teased in the past, down to rampant ageism in today’s world. Indeed, this reticence harks back to his 60th (and maybe longer) when the troops all went off to the legendary Church Inn where vast amounts of food and drink were consumed – all the while Lamb declining to confirm the exact reason for the blow-out.

My sources reveal that this time Lamb has gone big time up market. Seems a party of 20, mostly family but including his old bagman Tony “The Butler” Bell, are off down to Cornwall early next month for a session with Rick Stein in Padstow.

Goodness, has Lamb suddenly gone gourmet or something?

Apparently not.

Thankfully, my mole hiding amongst the dirty dishes reveals: “He just likes food in general – not sure the standard is that important!”

Now that’s more like the Lamb we all know and love. Food and ale in quantity so long as it is hot and wet respectively.

Of course Stein seems to own about half of Padstow so goodness knows which hostelry they will end up in.

But, as Lamb fancies himself on the ivories, let’s hope it has a piano – a resounding rendition of Knees Up Mother Lamb could be required.

So how are they getting to Padstow?

I believe a shocked LL has been advised that his bus pass probably doesn’t extend to going all the way to Cornwall. (Previously on the extremely rare occasions he came into contact with a bus he had to get Bell to show him what to do – find the stop, put him on the right one, assemble the correct fare etc).

Hence they have settled on a convoy of cars.

I call on all drivers spotting the fleet of motors on the M5 to hail the Lord and wish him well with a toot or two on the horn.

If only to keep him from dozing off on the journey!

Wonder when he gets there if he’ll order lamb?