David Parkin on Ant and Dec, local TV and cycling to IKEA

EVER since the Leeds Arena opened I’ve been touting for an invitation into one of its executive boxes.

I’ve tried to do that in as subtle a way as possible, but clearly this softly-softly approach has failed miserably.

So I resorted to the direct approach while enjoying an eve of Yorkshire Day barbecue hosted by law firm DWF at the Cross Keys pub near our office a couple of weeks ago.

Discovering that DWF shares a box with Arup, I proceeded to recount my executive box sob story to DWF events queen Jessica Peacock.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got the perfect event to invite you to at the Arena,” she said.

So on Wednesday night I was perched on a stool in the DWF box…watching Ant & Dec’s Takeaway on Tour.

Beggars can’t be choosers I suppose.

Thanks to the good company of Jess and colleagues at DWF plus John Morrison, who represents a number of top venues in Leeds including the New Ellington Hotel and Crafthouse restaurant, it was an enjoyable evening.

Beforehand I had wondered what made ITV go to the trouble of sending the Geordie duo out on an arena tour, doing nightly versions of their Takeaway TV show to live audiences.

I’d figured that given the celebrity guests and production costs, it was an expensive project. Plus, would those who plonk themselves in front of their TV to watch the show on a Saturday evening, haul themselves off the sofa to go and watch it live?

That was answered as soon as I walked into the DWF box, it looked out across the arena which looked close to its 12,500 capacity.

And my thoughts about the costs of the show were answered soon after. Sponsor Morrisons got plenty of plugs and the top prize that could be won on the night was a Suzuki Swift car.

ITV conveniently left the car on stage with its hazard lights on during the interval, while also showing a string of adverts on the big screen.

And the ads revealed more too. They promoted upcoming tours by Riverdance and re-formed boyband Blue – both of whom performed on the night.

And First Choice had an advert too – they had provided a £2,500 holiday for the Win the Ads section of the show.

Ant & Dec’s TV co-star, former Pussy Cat Doll Ashley Roberts, performed her new single while an Essex-boy warm-up man in a spangly jacket filled in the long gaps when the star pair weren’t on stage.

The only real expense appeared to be securing Keith Lemon, the creation of Leeds-born comedian Leigh Francis, as guest announcer.

But far from being disappointed with the fare on offer, the audience lapped it up.

Ant & Dec have an easy charm and are consummate entertainers, but their clunkily-scripted banter shows they are not comedians, and I don’t think they would ever claim to be.

They make Cannon & Ball look subtle.

I quite enjoyed their rendition of their one-time hit Let’s Get Ready to Rumble, but there wasn’t enough room in the box to show the DWF team my scissor kick dancing move.

But ending the show with a sing-a-long version of Morecamble and Wise’s classic Bring Me Sunshine was a bit rich.

They might be a double act, they might also entertain millions, but Morecambe and Wise, they are not.

Perhaps they should adopt the song that Morecambe and Wise used to sing to close their TV shows before they had Bring Me Sunshine – Following You Around.

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NEWS this week that the firm that won the bid to provide local TV in Birmingham has collapsed into administration shouldn’t surprise anyone.

I’ve got a hunch that more will follow City TV, which called in administrators even before it had started broadcasting.

Nothing I have seen of any of the other local TV franchisees around the country suggests that they will make a success of this ill thought out scheme dreamed up by former Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt.

People have such a plethora of television channels and digital content to choose from these days, so why would they decide to spend much time watching a low budget local TV station?

Evening Standard and Independent owner Evgeny Lebedev has launched a TV station for London, but its viewing figures are woeful – when they can actually find enough viewers to count.

He’s chucked plenty of money at the venture, but it hasn’t worked yet and doesn’t show the signs that it will be a success.

So what about other successful bidders for local TV licences around the country?

Well they aren’t going to get Government handouts or grants, so they have to make money through commercial means, and that means advertising.

Advertisers want viewers. Can these new local TV stations provide them?

All the signs currently suggest not.

Watch this space. Or not, as the case may be.

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I SURVIVED a trip to IKEA the other evening. It’s normally full of people, but a phenomenal retail success story across the world.

What surprised me was a sign in the car park that said the store would give a special offer to anyone cycling to IKEA.

I think anyone attempting to cycle home with IKEA flat-pack furniture on their bike deserves either a medal or psychiatric help, never mind a perk from the store.

Have a great weekend.

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