Deloitte’s Thorne splits sides at Funny Business

DELOITTE executive Sharon Thorne triumphed at the charity comedy event Funny Business last night delivering an assured, and funny, four-minute stand-up routine.

She was one of eight business figures who had agreed to take to the stage of Manchester’s Comedy Store in front of an audience of 500 in aid of Prostate Cancer UK and the cancer treatment hospital The Christie. So far they have raised at least £100,000.

The other contenders were: Urban Splash’s chairman Tom Bloxham; Richard Duerr, sales director of Duerr’s jam; PZ Cussons director Elaine Birchall; Petar Cvetkovic, chief executive of mail group DX; non-executive director Vanda Murray; founder of Chess Telecom David Pollock; and Caroline Shaw, chief executive of The Christie.

All eight are no strangers to public speaking but their sets were surprisingly honest, personal, and at times close to the bone. David Pollock spoke of losing his virginity and Tom Bloxham cracked a gag about Urban Splash’s £250m debt mountain.

Mrs Thorne, managing partner of regional markets at Deloitte, had earlier said she was petrified, but there was no sign of nerves as she delivered a confident set.

Each participant had been mentored by a professional comic and the night was hosted with panache by Justin Moorhouse. One of the mentors, Smug Roberts, quipped, “They come here nicking our jobs, turning up for mentoring sessions in a Porsche. I want a Porsche.”

How they fared:

Richard Duerr

Duerr spoke of his family and mined his experiences at boarding school for his set. He read out what he claimed was a letter sent to his parents in his first year away from home aged eight. The boiler had packed up and he had had to have a cold bath. “How is it in St Lucia?” he asked his parents.

Elaine Birchall

Birchall came out with a series of one liners as opposed to an observational style. She also spoke about her childhood in Ireland. “I have 12 sisters and 12 brothers,” she said. “I could never work out if my mother was a good Catholic or a sloppy Protestant.”

Petar Cvetkovic

Cvetkovic, who grew up in Serbia, had a Borat-inspired set which was informed by his decision to move to the UK more than 20 years ago. He said he was from a village called “Baccatruk” and that he welcomed the Poll Tax when it was introduced by Margaret Thatcher’s government. “That was a good idea to tax the Poles but not other East Europeans”. 

Vanda Murray

Murray used her experience in business to discuss CV lies and also related some home truths about her children and her partner, closing her set by playing a ukulele and singing a song based on Help Me Make It Through The Night. Her opening gambit was to declare she was from Preston.
“I’ve got two teenagers. I know what you’re thinking. If you’re from Preston you should be a grandmother by now.”

Tom Bloxham

Bloxham based his set on his love of Manchester United, his experience in property and the fact his wife is from Liverpool. On Urban Splash he said, “by working hard and having lots of entrepreneurial zeal I turned £200 into £250m… of debt”. He also described the international property convention MIPIM as a “freshers’ week for surveyors and old men boasting about their big erections”. He ended on a cutting one liner aimed at one section of the professional services world. “What’s the difference between a sperm and a solicitor? A sperm has a one in a million chance of becoming a human being.”

Sharon Thorne

Thorne was immediately a confident presence, a sign that a number of warm-up shows had paid off. She was so commanding that compere Justin Moorhouse joked to her husband afterwards, “I bet she’s a nightmare at home”. Thorne opened with a series of one liners and went on to talk about some quite personal matters. She said: “I was worried about doing blonde jokes. I didn’t want to offend blondes in the audience, then I realised they wouldn’t understand. What do you get if you cross a blonde with a banker? You don’t, there are some things even blondes won’t do?”

David Pollock

David Pollock opened his set by describing himself as a follically-challenged, dyslexic, egomaniac, entrepreneur. He spoke about his mid-life crisis and how he is addicted to lycra and expensive bikes. He was also quite risque and said, “A wise man told me there were three things you must do after the age of 50: never pass a toilet, never trust a fart, and never waste an erection.”

Caroline Shaw

If Pollock was risque, Shaw was seriously blue, which means much of what she said can’t be included. She did relate an anecdote about showing Prince Charles around The Christie. He mistook a glass of Vimto for a chemotherapy treatment and had no idea what Vimto was. “It’s been approved by your mum,” she said to a blank-faced Prince.