David Parkin on a daunting challenge

LAST night I faced one of the biggest challenges of my working life.

I had been “volunteered” to take part in a ‘balloon debate’ at the Lord’s Taverners eve of test dinner in Leeds.

Like me, you probably haven’t come across such a thing before. It involves four individuals speaking to the audience about their sporting hero.

The premise is that all four speakers are in a balloon which is thousands of feet in the air but losing height. One of them is voted out after they have all spoken for six minutes, another when the remaining trio have each spoken for another four minutes and then one more when the last pair have spoken for a final two minutes each.

Given I was up against popular Look North presenter and sports broadcaster Harry Gration; sports commentator John Helm – who has covered the last three Olympic Games – and comic actor Gordon Kennedy – Little John on TV’s Robin Hood and the star of Absolutely – then you can imagine my trepidation.

I felt a little bit like I was facing a firing squad, and the other three blokes alongside me were wearing bullet proof vests while I had a target on my chest.

It is at times like that when you need a cool head. All I could think was: ‘What the hell am I doing here?’

It was a bit like that feeling you get when you are the last to be picked for a sports team at school.

And, much as it might surprise you, I wasn’t much of a sporting specimen in my early years.

Here is a person whose greatest sporting achievement was starting a Mexican Wave at a Test Match.

So what was I doing there, trembling in my seat at the impressive Aspire venue in Leeds?

Blame the Yorkshire Lord’s Taverners chairman, Simon Chappell, boss of successful Leeds business Backup Technology, for talking me into it over a number of glasses of wine in Restaurant Bar & Grill some weeks ago.

As I cast about thinking about a sporting hero to discuss on the night, I was sent some of the publicity material for the event, which was strongly supported by weath management group Investec.

It was nice to know that the committee had total confidence in my ability to attract a crowd and give a high quality speech.

That must have been why they billed me as a “mystery guest”.

I was looking forward to it until I realised that was me!

The audience might have rightly have been looking forward to a mystery guest of the calibre of Sir Michael Parkinson, Gary Lineker…or even Christa Ackroyd.

Instead they had me.

I knew that two of the distinguished speakers were going to talk about Yorkshire cricketing greats.

How could I compete with that?

And the third impressive member of the line-up was a comic actor of great standing.

So, I needed inspiration, I had to pick a sporting hero who would both impress and awe this formidable audience.

Which is why I picked Yorkshire-born former England football international Frank Worthington.

A legendary figure renowned not just for his on the field abilities, but his off the pitch shenanigans too.

A man whose autobiography was entitled: “One Hump or Two”.

He played for 24 clubs during a 25 year career, but also played frequently at top clubs including Tramp, Stringfellows and the Playboy club.

And his colourful activities clearly impressed the audience, as I won the debate.

So what have I got to show for this rare triumph?

Well, I don’t have any photographs of the event and the bottle of Pol Roger champagne I was presented with was opened to accompany the takeaway pizza consumed at the post-event “debriefing” at Malmaison hotel.

Perhaps it was all a dream?

If it was, then I definitely need to dream about something other than Frank Worthington and Harry Gration next time.

Have a good weekend.