Duckers & Diving: New ball for Newbon

IN this week’s column our dishevelled diarist unearths suspicious goings on at a premier event in the summer game’s social calendar and asks “Is it cricket?”

It’s a fix – this week, shock new allegations concerning the world’s oldest TV presenter, Gary Newbon.

Newbon, now doing the greyhounds on Sky – it’s cockroach racing next, mate – was appearing at the Lords Taverners pre-Test thrash ahead of England v West Indies at Edgbaston.

I wasn’t aware he knew one end of a cricket bat from the other, but he claims 25 years in the Lords Tavs team.

Seated with fellow media luvvies on a wheelchair and motorised buggies-only table along with Nick Owen and Ron Atkinson.

The BBC’s senior cricket correspondent and Test Match Special commentator Jonathan Agnew was compere for the evening and spotting Big Ron prevails upon him to get up on stage and draw the raffle.

And, yes, guess whose name comes out of the hat – G. Newbon Esq.

Apparently his prize was a new ball – long suffering wife Katie says he should have won it 30 years ago when it might have been of some use!

Boom! Boom!

Actually, it’s a cricket ball signed by Warwickshire and England’s Ian Bell – a brilliant batsman but not somebody renowned for turning his arm over.

Of course, much ribaldry and colourful metaphors ensued from the troops – along with several calls for a steward’s (or should that be umpire’s?) inquiry.

And then to cap it all, the former Villa and Baggies boss has the nerve to draw top prize for Tracey Kiely, wife of former West Bromwich Albion shot-stopper Dean, now goalkeeping coach there, who was also on his table.

I think definitely one for the umpires to review, eh vicar!

“Be careful our lawyers are watching,” cautions Newbon.

Ooh, er, mother!