David Parkin on Balls, Blessed and Bobsleigh (again)

GEORGE Osborne was in Yorkshire yesterday, touring companies, having cups of tea with small businesses in Bronte country and generally trying to stretch the economic feelgood factor from the capital to the provinces.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer has provided a steady hand on the tiller during the economic crisis when it might have been easier to change course while being buffetted by negative stats, low business confidence and political opponents.

But he can’t afford to be smug, despite looking like he was born smirking.

What might help would be a strong opposition party who could challenge decisions but also provide a credible alternative to current policies.

Am I alone in having little confidence in Labour’s front bench economic team of Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls and Shadow Business Secretary Chuka Umunna?

Ed Balls, for all his bluster, is badly tainted from his time as a close adviser to former Chancellor and Prime Minister Gordon Brown and their role, not so much in encouraging the financial crisis, but certainly adding fuel to the flames.

His decrying of the Coalition Government’s austerity approach and calls for big investment instead appear to have been exposed to some extent, by the recent slew of more positive economic data.

He just doesn’t give me the confidence that if he had the keys to the Treasury he would be a man we could trust to handle our finances.

Chuka Umunna, on the other hand, is not tainted by association. He’s only in his mid-30s, spent a few years as a lawyer and was elected to Parliament in 2010.

But again, he doesn’t inspire a great deal of confidence.

It is the nature of opposition, but his main aim currently appears to be to score points against the government rather than position himself as a wise head on economic matters.

Take the recent furore over Yorkshire entrepreneur Lawrence Tomlinson’s report on the actions of Royal Bank of Scotland against some of its business customers.

He firstly welcomed the report, only to do an about turn a couple of weeks later and question Tomlinson’s uneasy relationship with RBS after his business went through a difficult refinancing with the bank.

Well before he jumped on the bandwagon, I pointed out the difficulty in allowing Tomlinson to produce a report on RBS given his “previous” with the bank.

Umunna has been proclaimed as one of the brightest talents in the Shadow Cabinet.

Does that make me bright too?

No, I didn’t think so.

:::

DESCRIBING Brian Blessed as “larger than life” doesn’t really do him justice.

The 77-year-old actor – who sprung to prominence in Z Cars and who is still asked to shout his famous “Gordon’s alive!” quote from Flash Gordon, despite it being made more than three decades ago – was the guest speaker at Harrogate Business Lunch last Friday.

Let’s just say with Mexborough-born Brian on the podium and then leaping into the audience at regular intervals to portray experiences from the Queen swearing to punching a polar bear, nobody nodded off.

Whether he was describing his early life as the son of a coal miner, treading the boards with his great friend and contemporary, fellow Yorkshireman Sir Patrick Stewart, or his more recent experiences as an “explorer” – he’s the oldest man to climb Everest and has been to the poles – Blessed was a unique combination of inspiration, humour and eccentricity.

His showbiz anecdotes were great, but I liked his childhood recollections.

His message was that you can achieve anything you want. This bearded, barrel-chested force of nature remembered how as a child he had queued at the local fleapit to watch Buster Crabbe as Flash Gordon in the black and white serial which left the audience with a cliffhanger ending every week.

“And then, there was I playing the man I dreamed of being as a seven-year-old, Prince Vultan!” he bellowed at the audience.

I suppose it does go to show anything is possible.

He didn’t fall into acting with ease, there was a variety of unsuccessful early jobs, including as a coffin maker with the local undertaker.

“I used to make all the coffins too small,” he recalled. “I just couldn’t get them the right size. So I made a big effort to get one right and it was too big. It happened to be for the richest man in the village, who had recently died. At the funeral one of the locals attending, said: ‘It looks like he’s taking all his bloody money with him,”.

:::

LAST week’s snippet about my recent experience down the Olympic bobsleigh track at Innsbruck brought a recollection from reader Caroline Barr.

“Thanks for reminding me about the Olympic Bob run at Innsbruck. Over 30 years ago on that very track in a 4-man bobsleigh I wrapped my legs round a man I hardly knew who later became and still is my husband. Definitely never doing that again!”

What a lovely memory. Sadly the next comment destroyed the romantic memory somewhat.

Entrepreneur Andy Needham commented: “Caroline, great story and I know for a fact that on this run David had his legs wrapped around Huddersfield Town Director and resident George Michael lookalike, Sean Jarvis. You never know. Watch this space!”

:::

Ahead of our bobsleigh run I delved into my contacts book to text former RBS banker turned serial entrepreneur and business “fixer” Martin Allison, a former chairman of the British Bobsleigh Association.

Could Martin provide me with any tips on the best way to survive the terrifying experience looming ahead?

A text arrived with the words: “Feel the rhythm, feel the ride.” Not a tip on the technical approach to competing in the bobsleigh, just a famous quote from the comedy film Cool Runnings, about the Jamaican bobsleigh team competing in the Olympics.