Duckers & Diving: It’s a foul job but let’s talk turkey

THIS week our rotund diarist gets all festive as he prepares to welcome that most cherished of Christmas institutions, the turkey and discovers the lengths one breeder will go to to preserve his birds.

For turkey farmer and sometime financial adviser Ben Browning it is never too far away from Christmas.

So much so that he recently bought two alpacas to act as security guards for his birds.

Apparently they (the alpacas not the turkeys) shriek like crazy and go for anyone who comes remotely near.

Sounds like one for the wife!

He bought them off John Plumb, who farms at Coleshill and is the son of Sir Henry Plumb, former distinguished president of the National Farmers Union.

The beasts have been controversially named Robert and Cecil (as in Mugabe and Rhodes).
Methinks the geographically-challenged Browning has the wrong continent – don’t alpacas come from South America?

Personally I’m all for them if it means they are protecting the Duckers Turkey, which is second only in the Browning turkey stakes to that supplied to the newly-ennobled Lord Whitby.Duckers and Diving

The alpacas revelation came at a Karl Ward Sporting Lunch where, just as we had sat down and were getting nicely into the trough, we were required to shuffle the table nearer the action – allegedly, according to the wags, to ensure the weight of the room was balanced given that one or two of the heftier diners (mentioning no names) present were situated towards that end of the restaurant.

With my good self and my turkey-supplier there – they may have a point!