To Coyne A Phrase

Beer group pressure

A FLYING visit to Bavaria last week has convinced me more than ever that the Germans have got it right in terms of their work-life balance.

A trip – for research purposes you understand – to a beer festival in Rosenheim got me talking to architects, engineers, doctors and other professionals who were lapping up the lager, dancing on the tables and singing along to drinking songs as part of an 8,000 strong crowd dressed in lederhosen and the like.

The chap next to me said he had visited the festival ten times in 14 days!

And yet their economy powers on and their production levels easily outperform ours even though they work fewer hours and have more bank holidays.

If we could work out how they balance that equation we’d really be on to something!

I think I might have an idea how they do it.

Germans drink heavily but, unlike British binge drinkers, always build food into their thinking.

And every meal I ate in Bavaria seemed to consist of pork, sauerkraut and, most importantly, a large dumpling.

The dumpling, usually made from bread in Bavaria, seems to mould itself to your insides, thus soaking up the vast quantities of beer one is obliged to drink on such occasions.

By making it harder to get drunk, by extension they act as a hangover repellent and it is often hangovers that stop people from working effectively. 

The next time I have an off the record chat with the Chancellor, the Governor of the Bank of England and the head of the CBI I shall give them my advice as to how to boost the economy and increase creativity in just one word.

Dumplings!

Cultural attache Loftus comes to the rescue

I MAY be on to something here because The Chinese, whose economy is growing at a rate of knots, are also keen on a dumpling or two.

It may be one of the issues that comes up at the Getting to Grips with China  event which is being organised by the England China Business Forum and Barker Brettell.

The event – which takes place at the Community Centre in Digbeth, Birmingham on October 8 – is intended to get local firms up to speed on Chinese business culture.

Mike Loftus, who used to head up inward investment agency Locate in Birmingham and now runs his own consultancy News from the Future, has become something of an expert on Anglo-Sino business relations in recent years.

He is helping to promote the event and tells me that it aimed at those who realise China is an important market but are somewhat daunted by the prospect of doing business there.

“They may think Skegness is far enough east,” he says.

“But the England China Business Forum together with Barker Brettell have just the event to put your anxieties on that front behind you and let you crack on with the real business.

“A hugely convivial evening will set you up for all of the nuances of doing business in China and you’ll enjoy some genuine Chinese cuisine and entertainment into the bargain.”

You’re through to trap three ltd, can I help you?

THE downside of dumplings (which sounds like a good title for a book) is that they do tend to er….clog you up a bit the next day.

Which brings me on to a loo-related item sent across to me by professional call answering service alldayPA.

It has done some research about taking work calls – for some reason picking on Northerners as its guinea pigs – and has found that 27% of people have answered a work call while on the toilet.

Now I’m fully aware that mobile phones, especially ones provided by the company, mean that we are always available to take work calls but surely there’s a limit.

On several occasions recently I have been in a cubicle minding my own business and musing on the stubbornness of dumplings to vacate one’s body once they’ve got themselves bedded in, only to be disturbed by someone in the next cubicle having a lengthy phone conversation about sales conversion rates or something similar.

There’s a story Lord Digby Jones of Birmingham tells about Winston Churchill being disturbed whilst on the toilet to be told that a political rival is seeking to speak to him.

“He’ll have to wait,” he says. “I can only deal with one s**t at a time.”

Might it be too much to ask that toilet cubicles are declared a work-free zone?  I can feel a campaign coming on.

Have a great weekend.